As Luck Would Have It

Deana maintained she was the unluckiest person alive. She was sure nothing but bad things ever happened to her, and she’d tell you all about it.

“I was just there to get my teeth cleaned, right? And the dentist finds what she says is a cracked molar. Said she couldn’t believe it wasn’t killing me.  So of course, she’s got to fix it right then and there. Just my luck. I don’t know how I’m ever going to pay the bill.”

Deana never stopped to think of the painful hours she’d been spared that day.

“I can’t catch a break. I made a special trip at lunch time to cash my paycheck and the bank was closed. Imagine that, the door locked on a perfectly normal weekday. How inconvenient!”

The bank was locked down because inside three armed men were hard at work robbing the place. Five minutes either way, and her perfectly normal weekday would have taken a nasty turn.

“My boyfriend promised me to take me to see that new movie everyone’s talking about. I waited and waited, but he didn’t show. Leave it to me to pick a loser.”

Deana’s boyfriend got arrested earlier that day when he slugged his other girlfriend – the one Deana didn’t know about. She never saw him again, and figured he’d dumped her without a word – bad luck again.

“I got this dog because there have been a lot of break-ins in my neighborhood. He’s supposed to be a guard dog, but he’s crazy. He growled and barked at nothing all night long. I couldn’t get any sleep. Naturally, it’d be my luck to get a crazy dog!”

The home invader lurking outside Deana’s window didn’t consider the dog lucky, either. Not wanting to confront the snarling beast, he moved on to easier pickings.

Deana had a cranky old grandmother who demanded that Deana do her grocery-shopping and clean her house. “It takes up almost my whole Saturday, and she never even thanks me. What a waste of time. Wouldn’t you know I’d get stuck with a mean grandmother.”

When Grandma finally passed on, Deana inherited enough money for her dream trip to Hawaii. That could have been considered a piece of good fortune, but: “I dread that long flight. Bet they lose my luggage, too. No telling what all will go wrong.

When the plane’s engines coughed and sputtered, emitting flames and smoke on its nose-dive into the Pacific, Deana wasn’t even surprised. She had time to remove her oxygen mask and say to her screaming seat-mate, “Well, wouldn’t you just know it. I bet my flotation device won’t work. Probably sharks in the water, too. Unlucky again.”

She was right.

 

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